Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Dave Barry
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Figures
Sending
Inside
Wire
Company
Electricity
Cannot
Electric
Believe
Bills
Keeps
Exists
Wires
Figure
Travels
More quotes by Dave Barry
A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.
Dave Barry
The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by: Satan. But he works through the Congress, so that's where we must focus our efforts.
Dave Barry
The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And even then it's not easy.
Dave Barry
All these people helped make this book possible. But let me make one thing clear: If there are any errors or omissions in this book, these people are not responsible. In the end, there is only one person responsible for what I write, and that person, of course, is: Donald Trump.
Dave Barry
The scrub sink...is the place where doctors wash their hands after they operate so that they won't get flecks of your vital organs on their Lexus upholstery.
Dave Barry
Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error message that requires you to call the customer-support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life-span of a caribou.
Dave Barry
Any parent that relies on any law to help him parent is an idiot.
Dave Barry
It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.
Dave Barry
Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
Dave Barry
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money.
Dave Barry
For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
Dave Barry
Do not spit gum in the drinking fountains.
Dave Barry
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.
Dave Barry
Stache’s attack was perfectly timed, thanks to his veteran-pirate grasp tactics—and a big piece if luck.
Dave Barry
Can we move this conversation along, I'm getting frightfully tired of 'hoa'.
Dave Barry
The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hotlines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly.
Dave Barry
Note that both of these papers [the New York Post and the New York Daily News] are big sellers in a city whose residents like to go around saying they'd never live anyplace else on account of they'd miss the opera.
Dave Barry
Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.
Dave Barry
Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.
Dave Barry
Too many rocks in the mountains.
Dave Barry