Quote

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

Dave Barry

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Truth
Whereas
Look
Heads
Looks
African
Men
Birthday
Balding
Like
Cool
Shave
American
Thumbs
Simple
Giant
White
Giants

More quotes by Dave Barry

Image
I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.
Dave Barry
Image
I'm not the only taxpayer who has no idea what he's sending to the IRS. This year, only 28 percent of all Americans will prepare their own tax returns, according to a voice in my head that invents accurate-sounding statistics.
Dave Barry
Image
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.
Dave Barry
Image
I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.
Dave Barry
Image
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Dave Barry
Image
The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
Dave Barry
Image
Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.
Dave Barry
Image
There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.
Dave Barry
Image
Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it.
Dave Barry
Image
Sir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?” “We’re going to look for water,” said Alf. “And food?” said Tubby Ted. “Water first,” said Alf. “We can go days without food.” “We can what?” Tubby Ted shouted.
Dave Barry
Image
Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.
Dave Barry
Image
I have never had a point in my life to make. I'm just trying to entertain the reader.
Dave Barry
Image
What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
Dave Barry
Image
We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.
Dave Barry
Image
The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - 'to spew out paper.'
Dave Barry
Image
Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
Dave Barry
Image
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
Dave Barry
Image
Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.
Dave Barry
Image
And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life
Dave Barry
Image
You might have mentioned this to me Molly,” said Leonard. “The fact that there are hostile natives on the island.” “I forgot,” said Molly. “You forgot?” said Leonard. “There’s been a lot happening,” said Molly.
Dave Barry