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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Failure
Among
Grates
Streets
Grate
Cause
Leading
Fashion
Humorous
Causes
Falling
Fall
Street
Death
Models
More quotes by Dave Barry
But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land. (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)
Dave Barry
I've been checking with people back in South Florida to see if Hurricane Dennis is going to whack my house, and the consensus of the experts seems to be: No, it will not, unless it does, in which case, yes. So I'm feeling really calm over here in London.
Dave Barry
Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
Dave Barry
Reading... a vacation for the mind.
Dave Barry
The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, people without lives. We don't care. We have each other.
Dave Barry
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
Dave Barry
Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.
Dave Barry
It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
Dave Barry
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.
Dave Barry
Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
Dave Barry
Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.
Dave Barry
Leonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality. “You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?” “Yes,” said Leonard. “It was very gracious of you.” “Do you,” said Leonard, “I mean, does you tribe, shake hands?” “No,” said Fighting Prawn. “We kiss on the lips.” “Oh,” said Leonard, looking very alarmed.
Dave Barry
2. The instant the doors open, you want to push forward as hard as possible, in an effort to get onto the train without letting anybody off. This is very important. If anybody does get off, it is legal to tackle him and drag him back on.
Dave Barry
Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.
Dave Barry
See, when the government spends money, it creates jobs whereas when the money is left in the hands of taxpayers, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.
Dave Barry
Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade.
Dave Barry
People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
Dave Barry
Any parent that relies on any law to help him parent is an idiot.
Dave Barry
The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.
Dave Barry
But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books I'd probably love if I ever got to them.
Dave Barry
