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I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Cannot
Become
Parenthood
Must
Encourage
Children
Afford
Believe
Educated
Good
Parents
College
Parent

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I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.
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Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and it does a remarkable job of getting New Yorkers from Point A to an indeterminate location somewhere in the tunnel leading to point B.
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Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
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Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
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We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
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Too many rocks in the mountains.
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I've come to realize that you're going to get criticized no matter what. Somebody will always hate what you write, especially if you write humor for a fairly broad audience. Somebody will always find it not funny and declare you're not funny anymore. And sometimes people are just crazy.
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The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.
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The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
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There's tremendous pressure, if you're in that [goverment] system, to be involved and be interested and to care about it. There's no room to say, This is stupid.
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San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions.
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And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that look MORE ALIKE than they already do! Thanks a lot, Scientific Community!
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Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
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RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages.
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There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?
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No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.
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Why else do we have Miami, if not to give me material?
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2. The instant the doors open, you want to push forward as hard as possible, in an effort to get onto the train without letting anybody off. This is very important. If anybody does get off, it is legal to tackle him and drag him back on.
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