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I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Become
Parenthood
Must
Encourage
Children
Afford
Believe
Educated
Good
Parents
College
Parent
Cannot

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The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
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Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
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If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
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You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
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Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking their instruments and shrieking angrily, apparently because somebody has stolen all their shirts.
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For 41 years I have gone with a very natural hair look that was originally popularized by coconuts.
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I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers.
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Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
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Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask whether your country has been inhaling paint-thinner fumes.
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It is important to be nice. But sometimes niceness can be misconstrued as weak. Should we be nice to everybody? Should we be nice only when others are nice to us? Here are some interesting views about being nice. Read these nice quotes and turn on your niceness.
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In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer.
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Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.
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Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
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I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.
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Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if you ever tried to put your name on their clothing.
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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
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If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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