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Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Force
Items
Reality
Attracted
Certain
Witty
Physics
Causes
Magnetism
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Refrigerators
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Powerful
Recalls

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English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.
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No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
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The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
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Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.
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Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error message that requires you to call the customer-support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life-span of a caribou.
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The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
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Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
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If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
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See, when the government spends money, it creates jobs whereas when the money is left in the hands of taxpayers, God only knows what they do with it. Bake it into pies, probably. Anything to avoid creating jobs.
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Actually, there are people from all ove - not just Latin America, certainly not just Cuba, but all over Europe, all over the United States. I like that. I like knowing a lot of different types of people. And I can afford to live in a relatively safe part of Miami.
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I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go around talking about it.
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A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.
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I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.
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Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
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There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?
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Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
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Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
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Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!
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The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the flights I've been on lately, we passengers would have swiftly beaten them to death with those hard rolls you get with your in-flight meals.
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