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The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Call
Invention
History
Communication
Human
Internet
Humans
Development
Important
Single
Technology
Since
Waiting

More quotes by Dave Barry

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To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
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As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.
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Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
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Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.' Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right? Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?' Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?
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But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land. (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)
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Like all writers, my greatest inspiration, my ultimate muse, is a deadline.
Dave Barry
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It's a real smug self-righteous punk kid saying nobody has the right to tell him what to do and how dare you put a sign up saying that I can't go on your property?
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I want to gag sometimes when I see who we are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian.
Dave Barry
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There are no bad haircuts in cyberspace.
Dave Barry
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I got a lot of mail from organizations concerned with bike safety. Then I got a couple from people who wanted my support for mandatory helmet laws. I can't support that. If you pass a law like that you'll do more harm than good, because you'll make people think they've done something about the problem when they haven't.
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All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
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Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
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You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.
Dave Barry
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When I say dogs, I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little squeaky things you can hold on your lap and carry around. Zoologically speaking, these are not dogs at all they are members of the pillow family.
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A gene can be either dominant or recessive, depending on which type of gene it is.
Dave Barry
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry
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Black Stache had no love for the Queen, no love for women of any sort, except for his ma. He had a real soft spot for his ma, and was truly sorry for the time he’d marooned her.
Dave Barry
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English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.
Dave Barry
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One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.
Dave Barry
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In more than 20 years of opening beers with guys, I have NEVER seen the Swedish Bikini Team show up. Almost always, the teams that show up in beer drinking situations consist of guys who have been playing league softball and smell like bus seats.
Dave Barry