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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
People
Atheism
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Almost
Religious
Religion
Never

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On behalf of the newspaper industry I wish to announce some changes we're making to serve you better. When I say 'serve you better,'' I mean 'increase our profits.' We newspapers are very big on profits these days. We're a business, just like any other business, except that we employ English majors.
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I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
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If Mozart had power tools, there's no telling how great his music might have been.
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What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles? I grew up in an era (the Paleolithic) when people kept their stomach muscles discreetly out of sight.
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I was a middle-of-the-road Democrat more than anything else. I know I voted for Carter. Watergate taught me how bad the Republicans were.
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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
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I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.
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If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
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The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
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What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.
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What was life like in the colonies? Probably the best word to describe it would be colonial.
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But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books I'd probably love if I ever got to them.
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The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called LinkedIn.
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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
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I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
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Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!
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Actually, there are people from all ove - not just Latin America, certainly not just Cuba, but all over Europe, all over the United States. I like that. I like knowing a lot of different types of people. And I can afford to live in a relatively safe part of Miami.
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