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Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

Dave Barry

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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Men
Bills
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Technology
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Rich
Literature
Gates
Word
Versions
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More quotes by Dave Barry

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A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Dave Barry
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Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.
Dave Barry
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Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
Dave Barry
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Someone was tapping on the window.
Dave Barry
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The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'
Dave Barry
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There's tremendous pressure, if you're in that [goverment] system, to be involved and be interested and to care about it. There's no room to say, This is stupid.
Dave Barry
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I don't think the press has done a very good job dealing with government spending.The Defense Department with the $9,500 toilet seat, that's not the problem anymore. Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security are the problem. That's us. That's our generation. There the press never says a word.
Dave Barry
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We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves outer space.
Dave Barry
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The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.
Dave Barry
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I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
Dave Barry
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The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.
Dave Barry
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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry
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In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.
Dave Barry
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Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.
Dave Barry
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[American tax laws] are constantly changing as our elected representatives seek new ways to ensure that whatever tax advice we receive is incorrect.
Dave Barry
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A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.
Dave Barry
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If Mozart had power tools, there's no telling how great his music might have been.
Dave Barry
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The first animals to be successfully domesticated were dogs, which were a big help because they would bark all night and fetch thrown sticks, thereby freeing humans from having to perform these tedious yet vital tasks.
Dave Barry
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We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.
Dave Barry
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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Dave Barry