Quote

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

Dave Barry

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Always
Guy
Dave
Men
Point
Assume
Thinking
Simple
Appear
Women
Mysterious
Whole
Assuming
Must
Complicated
Much
Guys
Tragically
Way
Literature
Girly

More quotes by Dave Barry

Image
When I say dogs, I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little squeaky things you can hold on your lap and carry around. Zoologically speaking, these are not dogs at all they are members of the pillow family.
Dave Barry
Image
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
Dave Barry
Image
I am a superior form of human and I have absolutely no quirks or irrational impulses of any kind.
Dave Barry
Image
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.
Dave Barry
Image
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Dave Barry
Image
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
Dave Barry
Image
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry
Image
If, when you talk to people, they keep backing away from you, it's because you're TOO CLOSE, alright? SO DON'T KEEP ADVANCING ON THEM LIKE A HUMAN GLACIER.
Dave Barry
Image
Shawn's (Shawn Weatherly - former beauty queen) acting ability is such that she could not convey the concept of falling if your pushed her off a cliff.
Dave Barry
Image
He's a boating enthusiast, although that phrase seems too weak to describe the level of his interest, kind of like describing someone as a heroin fancier.
Dave Barry
Image
As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.
Dave Barry
Image
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Dave Barry
Image
Think, for a moment, of the countless happy childhood hours you spent with this amazing device: Drawing perfect horizontals, drawing perfect verticals, drawing really spastic diagonals, trying to scrape away the silver powder from the window so you could look inside.
Dave Barry
Image
Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.
Dave Barry
Image
Congress, after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tenative agreements.
Dave Barry
Image
Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money.
Dave Barry
Image
Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration.
Dave Barry
Image
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
Dave Barry
Image
I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don't take long.
Dave Barry
Image
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Dave Barry