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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Choices
Malls
Religious
Merry
Come
Holiday
Going
Season
Way
Christmas
Time
Seasons
Deeply
Observes
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Mall
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Your friends love you anyway.
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Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
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The method (of learning Japanese) recommended by experts is to be born as a Japanese baby and raised by a Japanese family, in Japan. And even then it's not easy.
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In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.
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One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet
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Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, 'I may lick myself in public, but I'd never say anything as stupid as that.'
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If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
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The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.
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I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
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Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.
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And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life
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