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If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
Dave Barry
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Dave Barry
Age: 77
Born: 1947
Born: July 3
Actor
Author
Columnist
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Satirist
Writer
Armonk (New York)
David McAlister Barry
David Barry
Humans
Achieve
Never
Humanity
Would
Full
Committees
Race
Identify
Word
Achieved
Business
Meetings
Reason
Potential
Human
Humor
More quotes by Dave Barry
When my generation was your age, we took crazy risks. The wildest thing was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates!
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The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.
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Sometimes you panic and find yourself emitting remarks so profoundly inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think to itself, 'I may lick myself in public, but I'd never say anything as stupid as that.'
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Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
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The Republicans have a high Beady-Eyed Self-Righteous Scary Borderline Loon Quotient, as evidenced by Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Robertson, the entire state of Utah, etc.
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Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.
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The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'
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If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
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If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
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My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
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I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: “How can I get in on that?
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The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.
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I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.
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Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.
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...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.
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Actually, there are people from all ove - not just Latin America, certainly not just Cuba, but all over Europe, all over the United States. I like that. I like knowing a lot of different types of people. And I can afford to live in a relatively safe part of Miami.
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If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
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I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?
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Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!
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There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.
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