Quote

If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Book
Looks
Hitler
Trying
Phone
Germany
Phones
Drunk
Point
Look

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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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