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I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Wanted
Stalking
Skiing
Wanna
Yeah
Went
Girl
Didn
Today

More quotes by Dave Attell

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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
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If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
Dave Attell