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I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Girl
Didn
Today
Wanted
Stalking
Skiing
Wanna
Yeah
Went

More quotes by Dave Attell

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You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
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I have no grand scheme.
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
Dave Attell
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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
Dave Attell
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
Dave Attell
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
Dave Attell
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
Dave Attell
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
Dave Attell
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
Dave Attell