Quote

I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Yeah
Went
Girl
Didn
Today
Wanted
Stalking
Skiing
Wanna

More quotes by Dave Attell

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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
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I don't watch reality TV.
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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
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You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
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Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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