Quote

I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Need
Brother
Children
Fun
Great
Show
Needs
Tell
Thing
Shows
Littles
Oily
Little
Matches
Book
Rags

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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
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I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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