Quote

I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.

Dave Attell

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TAGS & TOPICS

Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Great
Show
Needs
Tell
Thing
Shows
Littles
Oily
Little
Matches
Book
Rags
Need
Brother
Children
Fun

More quotes by Dave Attell

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Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
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You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
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If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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I don't watch reality TV.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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