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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Went
Came
Camel
Three
Camels
Much
Packs
Bathroom
Ass
Smoking
Smoke

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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
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Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus. Time to buy a Porsche.
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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