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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Feels
Hatchet
Like
Molly
Hair
High
Future
Makes
School
Feel

More quotes by Dave Attell

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If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus. Time to buy a Porsche.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
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It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I have no grand scheme.
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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I never wanted to be famous.
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If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.
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I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.
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I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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