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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Webs
Shooting
Humor
Stupid
Funny

More quotes by Dave Attell

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Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
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You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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I never wanted to be famous.
Dave Attell
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
Dave Attell
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
Dave Attell
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
Dave Attell