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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Fun
Talking
Funny
Mother
Two
Right
Gotta
Make
Listen
Humor

More quotes by Dave Attell

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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
Dave Attell
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If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.
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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
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I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
Dave Attell
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I don't watch reality TV.
Dave Attell