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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
Dave Attell
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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Style
Funny
Place
Doggy
Back
Planned
Way
Passed
Drunk
Took
Humor
More quotes by Dave Attell
Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
Dave Attell
The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
Dave Attell
I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
Dave Attell
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
Dave Attell
I don't watch reality TV.
Dave Attell
I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
Dave Attell