Quote

So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Humor
Style
Funny
Place
Doggy
Back
Planned
Way
Passed
Drunk
Took

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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.
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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
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You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
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Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I have no grand scheme.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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