Quote

I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Story
Bus
Funny
Magazine
Business
Stations
Stories
Magazines
Different
Gay
Minding
Sitting
Magicians
Humor
Magician
Reading
Station

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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
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The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
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I don't watch reality TV.
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I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
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