Quote

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Sheets
Humor
Says
Crazy
Looking
Funny
Like
Dunno
Bracelet

More quotes by Dave Attell

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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
Dave Attell
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You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
Dave Attell
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
Dave Attell
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The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
Dave Attell
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I don't watch reality TV.
Dave Attell
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
Dave Attell
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
Dave Attell
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
Dave Attell
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
Dave Attell
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
Dave Attell
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
Dave Attell
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
Dave Attell
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I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
Dave Attell
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
Dave Attell
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I never wanted to be famous.
Dave Attell
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
Dave Attell
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
Dave Attell
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If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus. Time to buy a Porsche.
Dave Attell
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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
Dave Attell
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
Dave Attell