Quote

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Sheets
Humor
Says
Crazy
Looking
Funny
Like
Dunno
Bracelet

More quotes by Dave Attell

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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
Dave Attell
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I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
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I don't watch reality TV.
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
Dave Attell
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
Dave Attell
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
Dave Attell
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I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
Dave Attell
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
Dave Attell
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
Dave Attell
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
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If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.
Dave Attell
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I have no grand scheme.
Dave Attell
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
Dave Attell
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If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus. Time to buy a Porsche.
Dave Attell
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
Dave Attell