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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Humor
Dead
Bring
Funny
Back
Life
Hookers
Aspirin

More quotes by Dave Attell

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My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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I have no grand scheme.
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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.
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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
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I don't watch reality TV.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
Dave Attell
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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
Dave Attell