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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Like
Specials
Putting
Stand
Love

More quotes by Dave Attell

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I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!
Dave Attell
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Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100 diapering your monkey, 35 calories laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings.
Dave Attell
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I don't watch reality TV.
Dave Attell
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
Dave Attell
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I never wanted to be famous.
Dave Attell
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I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
Dave Attell
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
Dave Attell
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You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
Dave Attell
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I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
Dave Attell
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
Dave Attell
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
Dave Attell
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
Dave Attell
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
Dave Attell
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If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.
Dave Attell
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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
Dave Attell
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
Dave Attell
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
Dave Attell
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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.
Dave Attell
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
Dave Attell
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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
Dave Attell