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Being on the road is kind of lonely.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Lonely
Road
Kind

More quotes by Dave Attell

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I don't watch reality TV.
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus. Time to buy a Porsche.
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
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I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.
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Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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