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Being on the road is kind of lonely.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Lonely
Road
Kind

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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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