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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
Dave Attell
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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Long
Crowds
Really
Cool
Time
Guys
Like
Ones
Truckers
People
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Dudes
Happened
Tattoo
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Offended
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More quotes by Dave Attell
Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
Dave Attell
Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
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I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
Dave Attell
I never wanted to be famous.
Dave Attell
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
Dave Attell
