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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
Dave Attell
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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Happened
Tattoo
Guy
Offended
Shows
Crowd
Long
Crowds
Really
Cool
Time
Guys
Like
Ones
Truckers
People
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Dudes
More quotes by Dave Attell
My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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I have no grand scheme.
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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus. Time to buy a Porsche.
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I don't watch reality TV.
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I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!
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The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
Dave Attell
You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
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