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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Happened
Tattoo
Guy
Offended
Shows
Crowd
Long
Crowds
Really
Cool
Time
Guys
Like
Ones
Truckers
People
Sort
Dudes

More quotes by Dave Attell

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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus. Time to buy a Porsche.
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Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice those kids gotta get to school!
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
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If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.
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My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
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Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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I don't watch reality TV.
Dave Attell
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
Dave Attell
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
Dave Attell
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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
Dave Attell