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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Like
Ones
Truckers
People
Sort
Dudes
Happened
Tattoo
Guy
Offended
Shows
Crowd
Long
Crowds
Really
Cool
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Guys

More quotes by Dave Attell

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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
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You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
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Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly 'cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I don't watch reality TV.
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My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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I've never had a surprise birthday party. I've had every other type of surprise. I've had surprise beatings, surprise drug tests, surprise daughter I think.
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If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
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Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
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