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My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Jobs
Didn
Really
Think
Thinking
Hated
Confidence
Comedy
Knew

More quotes by Dave Attell

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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
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I have no grand scheme.
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
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I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
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The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
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Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
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If I was to have sex with one animal it would be a horse. That is a beautiful animal. And when you have sex with a horse, you know you always have a ride home.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
Dave Attell