Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
Dave Attell
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Young
Need
Cigarette
Sometimes
Confused
Needs
Sex
Men
Humor
Like
Funny
Woman
Beautiful
More quotes by Dave Attell
Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
Dave Attell
I don't watch reality TV.
Dave Attell
It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.
Dave Attell
Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
Dave Attell
I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!
Dave Attell
I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.
Dave Attell
If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
Dave Attell
I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
Dave Attell
Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? Damn I got to get the hell out of here! What was I thinking!
Dave Attell
I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
Dave Attell
Being on the road is kind of lonely.
Dave Attell
You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
Dave Attell
I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials.
Dave Attell
For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
Dave Attell
I never wanted to be famous.
Dave Attell
You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
Dave Attell
You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
Dave Attell
Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
Dave Attell
So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
Dave Attell
Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
Dave Attell
