Quote

Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Need
Cigarette
Sometimes
Confused
Needs
Sex
Men
Humor
Like
Funny
Woman
Beautiful
Young

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Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.
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Being on the road is kind of lonely.
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If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
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I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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