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You know what wakes me up? A tongue in the ass. There is no alarm clock on that one, you are up, you are shaking, you are in a karate stance.....the day has begun.
Dave Attell
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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Clock
Wakes
Tongue
Alarm
Karate
Alarms
Stance
Shaking
Begun
Ass
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me.
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
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Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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