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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Power
Women
Vaginas
Humor
Relationship
Funny

More quotes by Dave Attell

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I don't watch reality TV.
Dave Attell
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I tell you one thing that's great about children. They don't need a show to have fun. What do they need? A book of matches, some oily rags, a little brother... that's all they need.
Dave Attell
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If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus. Time to buy a Porsche.
Dave Attell
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
Dave Attell
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If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.
Dave Attell
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
Dave Attell
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Everyone was laughin'. Even that deaf mute boy was breathing heavy and pointing at me. Which is laughter to their kind.
Dave Attell
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You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. Land mine '69. You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. Snow blower, bottle of whiskey. You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy.
Dave Attell
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
Dave Attell
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
Dave Attell
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I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!
Dave Attell
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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
Dave Attell
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I have no grand scheme.
Dave Attell
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
Dave Attell
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
Dave Attell
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I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
Dave Attell
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Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
Dave Attell
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I never wanted to be famous.
Dave Attell
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Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
Dave Attell
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I'm not the comic of the generation, I'm not even the funniest guy in my family.
Dave Attell