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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Music
Feel
Feels
Like
Ears
Seeing
Movie
Almost

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I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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Jesse Joyce is a great writer.
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I smoke so much. Three packs a day... I went to the bathroom, a camel came out of my ass.
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Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
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I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.
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My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.
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I have no grand scheme.
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You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.
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What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
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I don't watch reality TV.
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Here's a tip: never get drunk while wearing a hooded sweatshirt. You will eventually think there's someone right behind you.
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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Sometimes you need a cigarette. Like after you have sex with a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
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A joke is a joke, and people put too much meaning behind it. They react to it in the wrong way. I mean, you can boo or laugh, and that's pretty much what you're supposed to do with jokes. You're not supposed to take it any further than that.
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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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So I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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