Quote

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Dave Attell

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Dave Attell
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 18
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Rockville Centre
New York
Sea
Chicken
Humor
Chickens
Funny
Lakes
Tell
Fishing
Two
Fish
Penguin
Things
Fishes
Healthiest
Boat
Penguins
Rivers
Combine

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Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.
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I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.
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Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
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Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
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I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!
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The voice in my head has a stutter, and that's really annoying. D-D-D-Dave Dave. What? K-K-K-Kill your p-p-p-parents. L-L-L-Loa... Write it down!
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
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I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.
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For me, Molly Hatchet is high school. It makes me feel like I have hair and a future.
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Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
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For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.
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I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend.
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Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.
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I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.
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I never wanted to be famous.
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I hang out with my dad mostly, my dad was in the military. He's at that age now where his war stories and other stories have blended together, so now you don't know what he's talking about. One time, we were surrounded, then we ran out of ammo, then we were fighting hand-to-hand, then we started dancing, and that's how I met your mother.
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