I cried, for happiness, for sadness, but most of all, for emptiness.

I usually want to die or do nothing.

No more running away from something or someone or myself.

I'm lonely. What kind of loneliness? Every kind. I feel disconnected. Abandoned. As always. Repetition. So what, my love? So what? At first, I just wanted to run away. Now I have no where else to run to, nothing to run from. I don't belong anywhere, I don't want to go anywhere, I just want to be happy.

I hate fishes, they all look so miserable. 3 seconds later they will forget. And then I envy them.

I am a dumb piece of meat and I rot everyday my flesh gives a rotting smell and people say it's the smell of life and they come to me and watch me rot and get happy and upset and annoyed and disgusted and maybe sometimes feel compassion but they don't realize they are rotting too.