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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Scratches
Eyebrows
Flip
Someone
Thing
Good
Multitasking
Time
Eyebrow
Like
Scratch

More quotes by Darynda Jones

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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
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There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
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I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.
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You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time.
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God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
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Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.
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Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt
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Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers
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My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson
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Charley: If you‘re not going to tell me where you are, if you‘re not going to trust me to help you, then why are you here? Why bother? Reyes: Because you‘re the reason I breathe.
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
Darynda Jones
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I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.
Darynda Jones
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She blinked at me, then realized I was panicking. Honestly, it was like admitting to murder before being interrogated. “Ms. Davidson,” she began, but I decided to trip her up, to throw her off the trail of blood I’d left like an injured animal. “I don’t speak English.
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I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing
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In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.
Darynda Jones
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You’re the reason I breathe
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It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.
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That boy needs a hobby. Stalking is a hobby. So is serial killing.
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I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones