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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Flip
Someone
Thing
Good
Multitasking
Time
Eyebrow
Like
Scratch
Scratches
Eyebrows

More quotes by Darynda Jones

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Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt
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There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
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Do not disturb. Already there.
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Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
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I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly
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If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt
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But, you're his son, I said, trying really hard to hate him. You're the son of Satan. Literally. And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson. Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, Okay, point taken.
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My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the matter. Denise and I never really clicked.
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
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He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.
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I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
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He had given me so much information, I wanted some time to absorb it all, but I didn't want to leave him. Not like this. Not ever, as long as I lived. Or until I had to get back on the case. Whichever came first.
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There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~
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I may as well cut my losses and make a hasty exit while I still had enough self-esteem to walk upright. Crawling was so demoralizing
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You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT
Darynda Jones
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He’d actually hit me! It didn’t matter that hitting me wasn’t really like hitting a regular girl and I’d be completely healed in a matter of hours. I was still a freaking girl, and he damned well knew it. I’d just have to hit him back. With a lead pipe. Or an eighteen-wheeler.
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She blinked at me, then realized I was panicking. Honestly, it was like admitting to murder before being interrogated. “Ms. Davidson,” she began, but I decided to trip her up, to throw her off the trail of blood I’d left like an injured animal. “I don’t speak English.
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You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.
Darynda Jones
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The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt
Darynda Jones