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I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Often
Replies
Occasionally
Sanity
Question

More quotes by Darynda Jones

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Glitch was about as wild and unpredictable as a carrot stick.
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I love children, but I don't think I can eat a whole one.- Bumper sticker
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In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.
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I know how you feel. I’ve been analyzed to death as well. Not, like, professionally, though I did date a psych major who said I had attention issues. Or at least that’s what I think he said. I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, where was I?
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Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.
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He’d actually hit me! It didn’t matter that hitting me wasn’t really like hitting a regular girl and I’d be completely healed in a matter of hours. I was still a freaking girl, and he damned well knew it. I’d just have to hit him back. With a lead pipe. Or an eighteen-wheeler.
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The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt
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Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor.
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He's helped me a lot over the years. I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours. I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.
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I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. “We hooking up?” “Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?” “Um, I wasn’t aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience.” “Charley.” “Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day?
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He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through.
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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.
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guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster
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Man, that woman was quick when she wanted to be. But put her behind the wheel of a Buick.
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See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!
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Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.
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I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT
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I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.
Darynda Jones
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
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If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.
Darynda Jones