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The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. “I can’t move my legs.” I snorted. “You can’t move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You’re dead.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Dead
Snorted
Feet
Freaking
Either
Eyelids
Eyes
Legs
Guy
Wide
Eye
Looked
Moving
Arms
Move

More quotes by Darynda Jones

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guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? -Inspirational poster
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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
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My prodding me didn't elicit a reaction. His unseeing eyes stared straight through me. Which was odd. He'd seemed so sane huddled in Cookie's trunk.
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Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining.
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Want coffee? I asked, as I headed that way. It's three thirty in the morning. Okay. Want coffee?
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A Nuns Life: Chastity, poverty, and obedience. Wait, chastity? BUMPER STICKER
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God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
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I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.
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I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
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Have they even seen the Winchester boys? Sammy and Dean's existence proves there is a god and she is a woman.
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That boy needs a hobby. Stalking is a hobby. So is serial killing.
Darynda Jones
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Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing. And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.
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I was just passing by. Saw the commotion. Figured you were involved.
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Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent.
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
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After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me.
Darynda Jones
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I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT
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Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
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Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.
Darynda Jones