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What do I look like, the ghost whisperer? They're loony. I'd have better luck talking to my cousin Alfonso's Chihuahua. At least Tía Juana knows Spanish. Your cousin's Chihuahua is named Tía Juana?

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Like
Named
Ghost
Luck
Least
Whisperer
Talking
Loony
Better
Chihuahua
Look
Spanish
Looks
Cousin

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Have you slept yet?' 'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.' 'Didn't you drive there?' 'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.' - Charley & Cookie
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I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT
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What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?
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I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.
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The funny thing about GPS was it didn’t always send you in the right direction. I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I’d get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve. “Wut the foock?
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Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
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I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.
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Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit. Well, you are pretty fruity.
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
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A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.
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He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.
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If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
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He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.
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In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.
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An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
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―You realize I can hear you without the annoying intercom. Cookie and I both leaned forward and looked at each other through the doorway. ―But this is more fun, I said. ―More Star Trekkie.
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It’s all fun and games until someone loses a testicle. —T-SHIRT
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Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.
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My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the matter. Denise and I never really clicked.
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You’re the reason I breathe
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