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He's helped me a lot over the years. I'm sure he has. You scratch his back. He scratches yours. I have skin allergies. I'm itchy.

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Back
Itchy
Years
Allergies
Scratch
Scratches
Helped
Skin
Skins
Sure

More quotes by Darynda Jones

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What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.
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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.
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Okay, I'll strip. I'll tap dance. I'll sing 'La Cucaracha' in C minor.
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But, you're his son, I said, trying really hard to hate him. You're the son of Satan. Literally. And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson. Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, Okay, point taken.
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I know, he said in almost bored contemplation. My manners suck. I like to chalk it up to a dissatisfying childhood. I'd chalk it up to that narcissistic personality disorder laces with a smidgen of schizophrenia. Your mother would be proud.
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I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.
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Okay, I’ll put someone on it. But you know, the Albuquerque Police Department wasn’t really created to find things out for you.” “Really? That’s weird.
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Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it.
Darynda Jones
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When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT
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I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT
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I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.
Darynda Jones
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In Cookie's defense, it was raining wildcats and rabid dogs.
Darynda Jones
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That you honestly believe I am capable of hurting innocent people for no reason.” “You’re not?” I asked, hope softening my voice. “Oh, no, I’m more than capable. I just didn’t realize you knew that.
Darynda Jones
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What do I look like, the ghost whisperer? They're loony. I'd have better luck talking to my cousin Alfonso's Chihuahua. At least Tía Juana knows Spanish. Your cousin's Chihuahua is named Tía Juana?
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If life hands you lemons,keep them. Because, hey, free lemons.-T-Shirt
Darynda Jones
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Friends don't let friends get killed by serial killers
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
Darynda Jones
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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
Darynda Jones
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You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.
Darynda Jones
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See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!
Darynda Jones