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There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Littles
Little
Nothing
Feel
Gynecologist
Feels
Gynecologists
Make
Charley
Like
Violated
Trip

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Who is Dr. A. von Holstein? And is he related, by chance, to a race of cows?
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I often question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
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My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the matter. Denise and I never really clicked.
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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.
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I could be irksome when I put my left ventricle into it.
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I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.
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It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.
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An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
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There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~
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I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.
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Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy!
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Does Uncle Bob have anything? I heard he has an STD. I mean on the women. Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.
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My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson
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I'd never taken to four foot creatures who had the uncanny ability to point out all my flaws in thirty second flat. And just for the record, I can too read without moving my lips.
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The funny thing about GPS was it didn’t always send you in the right direction. I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I’d get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve. “Wut the foock?
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Just in case, though, I stormed into my apartment, tossed a quick hello to Mr. Wong, then rummaged through my entertainment center to lay out all my exorcism equipment. I kept it in my entertainment center because exorcisms were nothing if not entertaining.
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We stood there, the three of us, our jaws firmly planted on the floor. Aunt Lil recovered first. She nudged me with her elbow and said with a cackle of delight, I think you guys should make some more of those brownies, 'cause that boy looks hungry.
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Still, this whole grim reaper thing should have come with a manual. Or a diagram of some kind. A flowchart would have been nice.
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When life hands you lemons say, Lemons? What else have you got? - bumper sticker
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Oh, and she told me that men want only one thing. And on that note, I must give praise and thanks to the powers that be. I don't want much else from them either.
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