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The funny thing about GPS was it didn’t always send you in the right direction. I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I’d get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve. “Wut the foock?

Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
Author
Novelist
Writer
Friona
Texas
Send
Didn
Right
Faster
Thing
Direction
Always
Turned
Took
Twelfth
Instead
Ozzy
Knew
Approve
Funny

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I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.
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That boy needs a hobby. Stalking is a hobby. So is serial killing.
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He said you sparkle like a newborn galaxy and have more attitude than a rich kid with his daddy's Porsche.
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God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.
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This place is like crazy on crackers.
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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
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Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.
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“Time-out,” I said... He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?” “Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips. “If I don't go, do I get a spanking?”
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Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.
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Then I asked her if she wanted to to the funeral, and my God, the look on her face. You'd think I'd asked her to drown the neighbor's cat. Admittedly, drowning the neighbor's cat didn't really clue me in as much as I would've liked. So, she was angry? He blinked back to me and stared. Like a long time.
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Reyes leaned back against the bar, crossed his arms over his chest, and studied me from beneath those same ridiculously long lashes. Men and their freaking lashes. It was so unfair. Like the exorbitant cost of designer shoes. Or world hunger.
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But have you ever seen one?....They shook their heads. Not Physically, no. But if you look at this passage - Man, she liked that Bible. I'd read it and could definitely understand it's appeal, but I didn't have time for this.
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You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.
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The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. “I can’t move my legs.” I snorted. “You can’t move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You’re dead.
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I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.
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Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.
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