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How would you like your eggs? I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. Fertilized?
Darynda Jones
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Darynda Jones
Age: 59
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Friona
Texas
Tried
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Really
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More quotes by Darynda Jones
I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.
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I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. “We hooking up?” “Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?” “Um, I wasn’t aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience.” “Charley.” “Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day?
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Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.
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If I was going to go out tonight, I was going to go out fighting. Or screaming in agony. Either way.
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I'm a virgin. But this is an old shirt. --T-SHIRT
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Charley: If you‘re not going to tell me where you are, if you‘re not going to trust me to help you, then why are you here? Why bother? Reyes: Because you‘re the reason I breathe.
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Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong.
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Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.
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Life is not about finding yourself. It's mostly about chocolate. T-Shirt
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Yeah, but what happens if life hands me pickles? - Bumper sticker
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There comes a moment when you know you just aren't going to do anything esle productive for the rest of the day.-T-Shirt
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Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)
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He had given me so much information, I wanted some time to absorb it all, but I didn't want to leave him. Not like this. Not ever, as long as I lived. Or until I had to get back on the case. Whichever came first.
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The funny thing about GPS was it didn’t always send you in the right direction. I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I’d get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve. “Wut the foock?
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What's your specialty? Oh, you know. Madness. Mayhem. Debauchery. And even with all that going for me, I can still make a mean mojito.
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Want coffee? I asked, as I headed that way. It's three thirty in the morning. Okay. Want coffee?
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I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.
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What did one say to a stalker? Um, pardon me, Mr.Stalker, but could you, like, not?
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I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly
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See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong!
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